Support Your Student

You are an important part of your student’s experience on campus 

Students often look to parents for affirmation and approval of their interests and achievements. In fact, students report that they consult their parents more than any other source of social support, including friends and other peers. Your opinions and actions matter to your student, whether related to college choice, career aspirations or lifestyle choices. 

Likewise, your attitudes and behavior toward drinking could influence your student's decisions about drinking, cannabis, and other drug use.

Looking for a place to start?  Try talking with your student.

Talk together about substance use

Talking to your student about alcohol, cannabis, and other drugs can support them in making better decisions around substance use.  These conversations can explore what you each know about the topic, as well as your values and expectations.

  • Many U-M students on campus choose not to drink for a variety of reasons. Work with your student to help them find activities or athletic events they can participate in that don’t involve drinking.
  • Ask what your student learned in their Community Matters courses. First-year students particularly are required to complete AlcoholEdu, which provides information to students about alcohol and helps them develop skills to make less risky choices around substance use.
  • Ask "What if…?" Imagine hypothetical situations, including potentially sticky situations, or use current events, to help you and your student explore how they’d want to respond. This is a great opportunity to explore values and expectations in a non-threatening way.
  • Help them develop realistic strategies. Try to develop recommendations that are more specific and detailed than just "Be safe" or "Make smart choices."  Refer to our Stay in the Blue campaign for ideas on what these strategies could look like.
  • Acknowledge the potential legal consequences for students who drink. What You Need to Know about Laws, Policies, and Ordinances can help you and your student learn about what's legal and what's not.

Be a positive role model

Students often look to parents for affirmation and approval of their own interests and achievements.  Think about what your attitudes and behavior around drinking communicate to your student.

  • Model the behavior you want to see from your student.  When parents are permissive of underage drinking, approve of high-risk drinking behavior, or engage in high-risk drinking behavior themselves, their student is also at higher risk of heavy drinking. Show your student that you can have fun and connect with others without heavy drinking. 
  • Share consistent messages with your student.  Mixed messages from parents such as buying alcohol for their underage student at a tailgate and then lecturing the student about receiving a Minor in Possession (MIP) ticket can increase a student’s risk of heavy drinking.
  • Discuss any family history of alcohol misuse with your student.  A family history of alcohol misuse can increase a student’s risk of heavy drinking.

Strengthen your relationship

Students consult their parents more than any other source of social support.  Regular check-ins can benefit your student (and you!) well beyond their relationship with alcohol and other drugs.  

Pro tip! Try scheduling a regular time to talk on the phone or video chat together, even if you text often. You'll learn more about how your student is doing by hearing their tone of voice in real-time.

  • Ask about your student’s experiences on campus, such as:
    • Inquire what your student does during free time and how relationships with friends and roommate(s) are going.
    • Ask about plans for high-risk events such as home football games, Halloween, Fraternity and Sorority rush and birthday celebrations (especially 21st birthdays).
    • Refer to the MParents Calendar to better understand what your student may be experiencing, even if your student is not a first-year.
  • Ask for your student’s advice and opinions about things going on at home and campus.
  • Affirm your student holistically, instead of only affirming their academic achievements. Show appreciation for their autonomy and self-regulation, including when they: 
    • Make decisions that reflect critical thinking.
    • Seek help when needed.
    • Develop a value system that is based on their individual goals and desires.
  • Allow for an evolving balance of supporting your student’s independence. It is normal for students to start to diverge from your expectations or previous behaviors as they transition into adulthood. This might be best done with a “yes, and” rather than an “either/or” approach. While it can be tricky to find this balance together, it can also be an important opportunity to connect.

Conversation checklist: moments to check in with your college student throughout the year

Talking regularly with your student is a great way to promote their well-being on campus.

Discuss with your student how often you’d both like to check in.  For some, this might be daily, for others, once a week. You and your student get to decide what works best for your family.

Use this list of conversation starters to guide these check-ins with your student throughout the year.

Fall

The first 6 weeks of college are especially important for checking in with your student. Some families like doing video calls with their student to both hear and see how they’re doing. However, phone calls or texts also work just fine — try a few different things and find what works best for your family!

  • Move-in. Regularly ask how relationships with friends and roommates are going. Conversations might look different between the beginning of the semester and the end of the semester, so keep checking in!
    • Try starting with… “Tell me about your roommate.  How are you getting along?”
  • Campus resources. Help your student become familiar with the many university resources that can support them on campus.
    • Try starting with… “I know well-being (or whatever topic is relevant!) is important to you. What resources on campus can support you with that?”
  • Football season. Talk with them about their tailgate experience. For many students, it’s about connecting with friends, not about drinking. Help your student develop strategies for saying “no” or reducing risk if they choose to drink. 
    • Try starting with… “If someone offered you a drink, how would you respond?” “What are tailgates like? How, if at all, does alcohol play a part in your experience?”
  • Parent & Family Weekend. Model the behavior you want to see from your student by finding ways to connect with each other that don’t involve alcohol. Check out their favorite spots around campus and meet their friends. 
    • Try starting with… “I’d love to see some of the important places to you on campus! Would you like to show me around?”
  • Halloween. If your student chooses to celebrate, be curious about their plans. Encourage respectful costumes and Stay in the Blue strategies.
    • Try starting with… “What are your plans for Halloween? Have you picked out your costume yet?”
Winter

Keep checking in with your student. Ask for their advice and opinions on things happening at home and school. Take breaks and follow up on the conversation later, rather than pushing for information.

  • Exam time. Check in about how they’re doing beyond academics. Work together to identify ways to manage stress that don’t involve alcohol.
    • Try starting with… “How are you spending time outside of the classroom?”
  • Winter break. Communicate your expectations for when they’re home and think about how your behavior reinforces those boundaries. For example, setting the expectation that your underage student doesn’t drink while they’re home (even if they drank at school) and then pouring them a glass of wine at dinner can send confusing messages.
    • Try starting with… “I’m excited to see you over break! Let’s talk about a few things we can expect from each other during that time.”
  • Birthdays. Be curious about how your student is planning to celebrate birthdays and encourage them to start new traditions that don’t focus on alcohol (doing shots, playing drinking games, etc.).
    • Try starting with… “Your birthday’s coming up soon!  What do you have planned?”
  • Winter blahs. Michigan winters can be tough. Ask what support would be helpful for them and work together to navigate campus resources.
    • Try starting with… ”How are you, really?”
  • St. Patrick’s Day. Many students choose not to drink. Work with your student to find ways to celebrate high-risk holidays that are fun for everyone.
    • Try starting with… “What are your friends doing to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?”
Spring

Many students start to diverge from your expectations or previous behaviors as they grow into adults. This can be a normal part of the growing-up process. Listen for what’s important to them and work to find things you can all agree on.

  • Spring break. Ask about your students' spring break plans. Discuss legal consequences for substance use and build their bystander intervention skills by helping them practice speaking up and setting boundaries. 
    • Try starting with… “I was looking at the calendar and noticed that spring break is coming up. How are you planning to spend that time?”
  • March Madness. Talk about what, if any, sports betting they plan to do. Share strategies that can prevent impulsive decisions like setting a budget, avoiding parlays, and limiting how often they bet.
    • Try starting with… “I’ve been seeing a lot of ads for sports betting lately. Talk to me about what you know about sports betting.”
  • Cannabis use. Discuss what role cannabis plays in your student’s life. Be prepared with information and strategies to help them be a more critical consumer.
    • Try starting with… “What are some things you like about using cannabis? What are some things you don’t like?”
  • Final exams. Check in on the self-care habits students built last semester. Encourage them to check out “de-stress” events happening around campus. 
    • Try starting with… “You spent a lot of time doing _____ last semester. How is that going for you this semester?”
  • Graduation. Be curious about their plans for the weeks before and after graduation. Encourage them to find ways to celebrate that don’t involve alcohol.
    • Try starting with… “I’m so proud of you for graduating! What are some of the campus traditions around graduation? What do you want your experience to be like?”
Summer

Talking regularly to your student about alcohol, cannabis, and other drugs can help them make safer decisions about substance use. Be clear and consistent with your expectations around substance use.

  • Build a solid foundation. Talk about basic facts and any family history of alcohol misuse.
    • Try starting with… "There are some things that are important for you to know so that you can make more informed decisions."
  • Summer plans. Ask about their summer plans. Set clear expectations around substance use and let them know you trust them to make smart decisions.
    • Try starting with… “What are you looking forward to this summer?”
  • Think about housing. Discuss what they need to create a space (including relationships with roommates) that supports their well-being. Ask how alcohol fits into that plan, if at all. Show appreciation for their autonomy and critical thinking skills.
    • Try starting with… “What kind of plans or ground rules have you talked about with your roommates?”
  • Continuation of care. Work together to make a plan for how your student can continue to access any health care they need while they’re away from home.
    • Try starting with… “What are you thinking about how you might want to fill your prescriptions/get your physical/continue therapy/etc. while you’re at school? Would it be okay if I shared some thoughts?”
  • Community Matters online courses. Ask about what they learned in their Community Matters courses. All first-year students are required to complete these online courses on alcohol prevention, sexual assault prevention, and mental well-being before coming to campus.
    • Try starting with… “Tell me about what you’re learning in your Community Matters courses.” 

Worried about your student?

Most U-M students don’t drink or drink at moderate levels (4 or fewer drinks on a single occasion). However, if you’re worried about your student, there are many resources available to help them explore their alcohol, cannabis, or other drug use privately in a non-judgmental environment.  

Use the tips on this page to share your concerns with them in a non-judgmental way. You can also talk about strategies they can use to engage in less risky behaviors.

It is normal and expected for students to develop their own thoughts and behaviors around topics like AOD as they develop autonomy and independence. This is a critical developmental task of college students.

If your student diverges from your expectations around alcohol, cannabis, or other drug use, you may want to clarify that they will need to navigate any negative consequences of their actions, and talk about how you’d want to handle being notified of an AOD-related event.

What if something happens?

When an incident involving alcohol and other drugs occurs, the University of Michigan maintains the discretion to refer students for appropriate educational support to reduce future risk and promote a student’s well-being. This process is administered by the Office of Student Conflict Resolution (OSCR).

The University of Michigan deeply values students and parents/family as essential partners in a wide range of health and wellness issues. The Parent-Family Communication Program notifies the parents/families of first-year students after an incident involving alcohol and other drugs (AOD). This program promotes student well-being moving forward from the incident by connecting loved ones to resources they can use to support their student engage in less risky behavior moving forward.

Learn more about the laws, policies, and ordinances involving AOD.

Interested in continuing the conversation?

Email aod-communication@umich.edu with your questions.