Helping a Friend

Are you concerned about a friend?

You may have noticed something about a friend’s behavior that makes you concerned for their well-being, particularly with respect to their alcohol and other drug use. It can be difficult to know when and how to help in these situations.

There are steps you can take to help when you are worried. It is important to recognize that helping a friend doesn’t mean:

  • Diagnosing them
  • Giving them medical advice
  • Making decisions for them

Your role is to show your friend you care about them and connect them to professionals who can help.

What to look for

There are some signs that may indicate a friend could use your help. We are mostly looking for things that are outside of the norm for that friend to say or do. 

Your friend may be:

  • Reluctant to hang out as much
  • Noticeably anxious
  • Acting weird or getting angry for no reason
  • Taking risks that could be dangerous or harmful
  • Talking about feeling hopeless
  • Taking more drugs or drinking more alcohol than before
  • Unconcerned with their schoolwork
  • Harming themselves

How to help

  1. Have a plan in place for what you want to say and how you want to say it.
  2. Approach your friend in a private place when you both have the time and space to talk about your concerns.
  3. Let them know you care about them and that you’re concerned about what you’ve been noticing. Use “I” statements to explain your reasons for being concerned and let them know you’re talking to them because you’re worried about their well-being. For example, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been going out way more lately. I miss hanging out with you and I’m worried about you.”
  4. Listen to what they have to say nonjudgmentally and compassionately. Reflect on what you think you hear them say and ask open-ended questions for clarification. Learn more about how to have these kinds of Compassionate Conversations. 
  5. Offer to help them find professional resources.
  6. Ask if they need help with anything, like studying or grocery shopping. Let them know they’re not alone, you’re there for them.

Conversation starters

Here are a few ideas on how you can start a conversation with your friend.

  • “How have you been? I’ve noticed you missed class a few times.”
  • “I really care about you and I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How is everything going?”
  • “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”
  • “Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I’m here to talk if you need me.”

Tips and tricks

  • Keep the focus on your friend. While you can share how your friend’s behavior is making you feel, most of the focus should be on them and what they’re experiencing.
  • Avoid using judgmental language or labels such as “alcoholic” or “addicted”.
  • Be curious about what your friend is going through. Avoid pushing your own values and ideals on them.
  • Focus on the behavior instead of directing anger at your friend.
  • Don’t worry about the conversation being awkward! Most people are relieved and grateful to know that someone cares about them and wants to hear what they have to say.

What to do if a friend isn’t ready to find help

After talking to your friend, they may decide not to seek help or change their behavior. It is important to remember that unless your friend is in danger of hurting themselves or others, seeking help is their decision. Continuing to be supportive by listening and offering to help is the best thing you can do. If your friend decides to seek help in the future, they will know you are there for them.

In an emergency

For life-threatening emergencies, call 911 and stay with the person until help arrives.  

If someone’s life is in danger, it’s important to get help as soon as possible, even if you’re worried about how your friend will react. Individuals seeking health care for an alcohol or other drug-related reason are protected under Medical Amnesty in the State of Michigan.

Respond to an alcohol emergency

Alcohol or other drug overdoses can result in bizarre behavior, unconsciousness, and even death. It’s important to know how to identify and respond to an alcohol emergency. Just in case.

What to look for

The signs that someone’s had too much to drink can vary person to person. Use your best judgment and remember, when in doubt, call 911.

Here are some common signs you can use to identify when someone is experiencing an alcohol emergency:

  • Stumbling, bumping into things, falling down
  • Swaying
  • Spilling things
  • Slurred speech
  • Passing out or hard to wake-up
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Slow, irregular, shallow, or no breathing
  • Might pee their pants or be unable to control their bowels
  • Nausea, vomiting
  • Disoriented, can’t make sense of the world around them

These are often some of the warning signs associated with being in the Orange or the Red on the Stay in the Blue chart.

What you need to do

Stop drinking! When someone reaches this level of intoxication, they should not be drinking anymore.

Don't assume a person will sleep it off! People may pass out before all the alcohol reaches their brain. This means their blood alcohol content (BAC) can keep increasing, even while they're unconscious. Their body can still respond to this increasing BAC while they’re unconscious, leading to dangerous physical changes that weren’t there when you put them to bed, like their heartbeat and breathing slowing down, or even stopping, to life-threatening levels. 

Stay with the person! Turn and keep the person on their side to prevent them from choking on vomit. Check-on them frequently to make sure they’re still breathing regularly. The only thing that can decrease BAC is time. Do not use cold water or caffeine to attempt to wake the person up. Do not force food or try to make them exercise.

Call 911 immediately if the person:

  • Is unconscious or semi-conscious (does not respond when you shake, shout at, pinch or prod him/her)
  • Has skin that is an unnatural color pale, chalky, bluish (especially around the lips and fingernails), cold or clammy
  • Has slow, irregular or shallow breathing (10 or fewer breaths/minute)
  • Used alcohol with other drugs (especially depressants like Oxycontin or Xanax)
    ... and when in doubt, call 911.
Respond to an opioid overdose

Drug overdoses can result in bizarre behavior, unconsciousness, and even death. It’s important to know how to identify and respond to an opioid emergency. Just in case.

Taking care of yourself

Worrying about someone else can take a toll on your well-being. You may find yourself having difficulty concentrating at your work-study job or getting distracted when you’re trying to study for your big exam. Here are some things you can do to take care of your well-being:

  • Make sure you make time for yourself to do something you enjoy.
  • Remember that it is ultimately your friend’s decision to change a behavior or seek help. It is not your fault if you reach out and nothing changes.
  • Reach out for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Campus resources like Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) and Wolverine Wellness are here to support you.

 

Interested in continuing the conversation? 

Sign up for wellness coaching for alcohol or other drug use.

Planning a program, workshop, or training? 

We offer virtual and in-person programming. Request a consultation or program or check out the Well-being Toolkit for more resources.